


Unconventional Communication

by Jamilton



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkward Flirting, Bad Flirting, Drunk Texting, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Glitter, Humor, M/M, Modern Era, Momigan Doesn't Approve, Mutual Pining, Pining, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Texting, Unicorn Floats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-20 15:56:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15537744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamilton/pseuds/Jamilton
Summary: A_Run_Burr:Please can someone give me advice?TurtBoi:on what?A_Run_Burr:There is a moose in my house and I don't really want it to be there. I've tried asking politely, but it won't leave





	1. Thursday, June 7th

**Thursday, July 7th, 12:15**

**To: GAY NERDS**

**  
**

**HamMan:** I am having a crisis

 **Momigan:** Again?

 **HamMan:** This crisis is bigger

 **HamMan:** This crisis is more crisiser

 **TurtBoi:** sounds serious

 **HamMan:** It is, John. It is.

 **LargeBaguette:** What happened now?

 **HamMan:**  A) I have lost my mind

 **HamMan:** 7) Aliens have taken over the world for the sole purpose of fucking with me

 **HamMan:** F) I have lost my mind because aliens have taken over the world for the sole purpose of fucking with me

 **Momigan:** What *happened?*

 **HamMan:** I have a fucking gay crush on fucking Jefferson

 **LargeBaguette:** I FUCKING TOLD YOU

 **TurtBoi:** damn it, Alex, now I owe him ten dollars

 **Momigan:** This.

 **Momigan:** This is why we can't have nice things.

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 7th, 13:47**

**To: Smart People**

 

 **A_Run_Burr:** You are all smart people

 **HamMan:** I'm listening

 **Jeffs:** As am I

 **HamMan:** Jefferson, you shouldn't answer Burr. He said smart people.

 **Jeffs:** Is that so?

 **HamMan:** Yes.

 **Jeffs:** Then why am I in this chat?

 

**HamMan changed the Group Chat name to Smart People (and Jefferso**

 

 **Jeffs:** Who tf is jefferso

 **Jeffs:** Is he your new enemy?

 **Jeffs:** Should I fight him?

 **HamMan:** Oh my fucking god you know what I meant I just ran out of letters

 **Jeffs:** You could just remove the bracket

 **HamMan:** Yeah, well, fight me

 **Jeffs:** No thanks

 **Jeffs:** I'd rather fight Jefferso

 **A_Run_Burr:** Please can someone give me advice?

 **TurtBoi:** on what?

 **A_Run_Burr:** There is a moose in my house and I don't really want it to be there. I've tried asking politely, but it won't leave

 **Angelicar_schuy:** Just push it out of your house, easy

 **A_Run_Burr:** One second, I'll try that

 **A_Run_Burr:** Right

 **A_Run_Burr:** Now that we've established that I am far, far weaker than Angelica Schuyler and I am unable to push a moose out of my house, does anyone know a non-physical method?

 **Momigan:** And you've definitely asked it politely?

 **A_Run_Burr:** Yes.

 **Momigan:** I'm out of ideas, then

 **Jeffs:** How did a moose even get into your house?

 **A_Run_Burr:** I just

 **A_Run_Burr:** I can't even

 **A_Run_Burr:** I don't even know

 **HamMan:** Helpful

 **A_Run_Burr:** Thank you.

 **LargeBaguette:** No, Aaron. Thank *you*

 **Mad-son:** Have you left the door open?

 **A_Run_Burr:** No

 **Mad-son:** Leave the door open.

 **A_Run_Burr:** Oh.

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 7th, 16:15**

**To: GAY NERDS**

 

 **Momigan:** I should get a new phone

 **HamMan:** What?

 **HamMan:** No you shouldn't. Your phone is the best phone

 **Momigan:**  Alex, I've lost the case so I have to sellotape the battery to it

 **HamMan:** Exactly

 **HamMan:** That's what makes your phone the best phonr

 **HamMan:** *phone

 **HamMan:** See? The stress of this new development is making me get bac English

 **HamMan:** *bas

 **HamMan:** *BAD

 **TurtBoi:** It's already slipping

 **HamMan:** I'VE LOST NY ENGLISH

 **Momigan:** Grow it back

 **HamMan:** BEHRHRBHHHH

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 7th, 16:38**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **HamMan:** I SAY SIMON, YOU SAY COWEL

 **TurtBoi:** no

 **HamMan:** SIMON

 **TurtBoi:** you're setting yourself up for failure

 **HamMan:** (COWELL)

 **TurtBoi:** how much coffee have you had?

 **HamMan:** A LOT.

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 7th, 16:54**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan:** Are you sad?

 **Jeffs:** What now?

 **HamMan:** Are you sad because Burr prefers me than you?

 **Jeffs:** Bitch

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 7th, 16:55**

**To: A_Run_Burr**

 

 **Jeffs:** Who do you prefer? Me or Hamilton?

 **Jeffs:** Bear in mind I'm cool and I have good coffee and Hamilton is a midget that can't reach the top of the cupboards

 **Jeffs:** Just so you know

 **A_Run_Burr:** I'm not sure how to respond to this

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 7th, 16:57**

**To: HamMan**

 

 **Jeffs:** Bullshit, I'm his favorite

 **HamMan:** Yeah, you're his favorite least-favorite person

 **Jeffs:** That doesn't make sense

 **HamMan:** Yeah, well

 **HamMan:** You don't have friends

 **Jeffs:** James is my friend

 **HamMan:** Wow.

 **HamMan:** One friend

 **HamMan:** Wow

 **Jeffs:** Lafayette is my friend

 **HamMan:** I'm Lafayette's BEST FRIEND

 **Jeffs:** Shut up

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 7th, 17:21**

**To: LargeBaguette**

 

 **HamMan:** I am wild with emotions and feelings and stuff

 **HamMan:** I will try to express them through my words

**HamMan:**

**HamMan:** Oh no

 **LargeBaguette:** I don't even know what to do with you anymore.

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 7th, 17:52**

**To: Smart People (and Jefferso**

 

 **Jeffs:** MY FINANCIAL PLAN IS BETTER THEN YOURS, HAMILTON

 **Mad-son:** THOMAS NO

 **Angelicar_schuy:** WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

 **Mad-son:** THOMAS NO

 **Jeffs:** THOMAS, YES

 **Angelicar_schuy:** NO JEFFERSON WHAT ARE YOU DOING

 **TurtBoi:** is everyone else watching that ominous "HamMan is typing" notification

 **Momigan:** Yes

 **LargeBaguette:** Oui

 **Angelicar_schuy:** Yes

 **E-Liza(rd):** Yes

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** yes

 **Mad-son:** Yes

 **A-Run-Burr:** Yes

 **Momigan:** The suspense is killing me

 **LargeBaguette:** Rip

 **Momigan:** Thank you

 **Mad-son:** It's been five minutes. Thomas, what have you done?

 **Jeffs:** I regret nothing

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** you will

 **Momigan:** You really will

 **HamMan:** no, u

 **Jeffs:** You goddamn disappointment

 **Momigan:** Dude, you had us in suspense and that's what you say?

 **HamMan:** Yes

 **Jeffs:** It took you five minutes to write that

 **HamMan:** Yes

 **Jeffs:** Jesus Christ

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 7th, 22:22**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan:**  IT'S 22:22, MAKE A WISH

 **Jeffs:** I wish you'd delete my phone number

 **Jeffs:** Hamilton

 **Jeffs:** Hamilton

 **Jeffs:** Ham

 **Jeffs:** Hamman

 **Jeffs:** HamMan

 **Jeffs:** Hamilton I was joking

 **Jeffs:** Hamilto

 **Jeffs:** *Hamilton

 **Jeffs:** Hamilton I wasn't serious

 **Jeffs:** Alexander

 **Jeffs:** Alex

 **Jeffs:** Alex

 **Jeffs:** ALEX

 **Jeffs:** ALEXANDER HAMILTON

 **Jeffs:** A L E X A N D E R

 **Jeffs:** Pay attention to me

 **HamMan:** Thomas I was gone for literally a minute wtf

 **Jeffs:** Asshole

 **HamMan:** Love you too x

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 7th, 22:45**

**To: Momigan**

 

 **TurtBoi:** im gay

 **Momigan:** Hi, gay

 **TurtBoi:** no

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 7th, 23:33**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **Jeffs:** If you're not sleeping rn I'm going to be so pissed because that is an example of bad sleeping habits and you shouldn't have them because they're bad (like your financial plan, just saying)

 **HamMan:** IS IT A BIRD?

 **HamMan:** IS IT A PLANE?

 **Jeffs:** Stop

 **HamMan:** NO! IT'S HYPOCRISY MAN!

 **Jeffs:** Go to mcfuckin sleep you twatbag

 **HamMan:** SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK

 **Jeffs:** And you are oh-so weak

 **HamMan:** YES I AM. WHICH IS WHY I'M GOING TO SLEEP

 **Jeffs:** Don't have any more coffee

 **HamMan:** birch don't tell me what to do, leaf me alone

 **Jeffs:** Oaky, ash you wish

 **HamMan:** you win this round

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 7th, 22:45**

**To: GAY NERDS**

 

 **HamMan:** Goodnight, love you all xxxxxxxxx

 **TurtBoi:** xxxxxxx

 **LargeBaguette:** Love youuuuuu

 **Momigan:** Why aren't you all asleep?

 **TurtBoi:** It was time for John to go

 **TurtBoi:** For John is afraid of Herc's supernatural mom powers

 **Momigan:** SLEEP.


	2. Friday, 8th July

**Friday, July 8th, 06:30**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan** **:** beep

 **HamMan:** beep

 **HamMan:** beep

 **Jeffs:** You are officially my least favourite person

**HamMan:**

**HamMan:** beep

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 8th, 09:24**

**To: GAY NERDS**

 

 **TurtBoi:** does anyone know why i have "bro u have an appointment soon" on the back of my hand?

 **Momigan:** Because you have an appointment soon?

 **Turtboi:** shit fam u right

 **LargeBaguette:** I always wonder if we're on the same planet, John

 **TurtBoi:** are we in the same matrix?

 **LargeBaguette:** no

 **TurtBoi:** thats something that someone in the same matrix as i am would say

 **HamMan:** He got you there, Laf

 **LargeBaguette:** Merde

 **LargeBaguette:** Herc, he's onto us

 **Momigan:** REPROGRAMMING * * * *

 **LargeBaguette:** See what you've done now, John?

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 8th, 09:51**

**To: Smart People (and Jefferso**

 

 **HamMan:**  how fucking weird would it be if mayonnaise was in a tin can instead of a jar

 **Jeffs:** It wouldn't work, cause you can't microwave metal

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** Good morning to everyone except these two people

 **HamMan:** You microwave mayonnaise?

 **Jeffs:** You don't?

 **Mad-son:** Thomas, nobody does

 **TurtBoi:** ADULTHOOD IS A SCAM

 **TurtBoi:** I WANT TO BE A TURTLE

 **Jeffs:** Thank you, Laurens, for that contribution to the group chat

 **TurtBoi:** SHUT UP JEFFERSON YOU MICROWAVE MAYONNAISE

 **HamMan:** Check

 **HamMan:** Annnnd

 **HamMan:** Mate

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 8th, 11:32**

**To: GAY NERDS**

**  
**

**HamMan:** Sooooooo

 **Momigan:** So?

 **HamMan:** Sooooooooooo

 **HamMan:** Hypothetically

 **TurtBoi:** o no

 **Momigan:** This should be fun

 **HamMan:** IF I wanted to date someone

 **HamMan:** Who totally isn't Thomas Jefferson

 **HamMan:** How would I do it?

 **LargeBaguette:** Flirt with him. If he flirts back, he probably likes you

 **HamMan:** Good idea

 **HamMan:**  I'll flirt

 **Momigan:**  Do you know how to flirt?

 **HamMan:** pfffffttt of course I do

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 8th, 11:34**

**To: Jeffs**

**  
**

**HamMan:** you're really fucking weird

 **HamMan:** like, above average in weirdness

 **Jeffs:** Thanks, Satan

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 8th, 11:35**

**To: GAY NERDS**

**  
**

**HamMan:** HE REPLIED!!!!

 **Momigan:** Oh my god, our boy is becoming a man!

 **TurtBoi:** what did u send?

 **HamMan:**   _screenshot.39JPEG_

 **TurtBoi:** ffs

 **LargeBaguette:** Hush, John, he's learning

 **TurtBoi:** are u going to tell him or am i?

 **Momigan:** Don't you dare

 **HamMan:** What's going on?

 **Momigan:** Nothing

 **LargeBaguette:** Nothing

 **TurtBoi:** nothing

 

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, July 8th, 11:36**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **Jeffs:** Why aren't you replying to my excellent insult?

 **Jeffs:** Have you died?

 **HamMan:** I don't think so

 **Jeffs:** You can never be too sure

 **HamMan:** Exactly.

 **Jeffs:** You're a fucking weirdo

 **Jeffs:** You know that, right?

 **HamMan:** No, Thomas. You're the weird one

 **Jeffs:** How am I weird?

 **HamMan:** Two words:

 **HamMan:** M I C R O W A V E D

 **HamMan:** M A Y O N N A I S E

 **Jeffs:** STOP BRINGING THAT UP

 **HamMan:** NEVERRR

 **Jeffs:** Is 'no' an emotion? Because whenever I talk to you I feel it.

 **HamMan:** No

 **Jeffs:** No

 **HamMan:** No

 **Jeffs:** This is a very productive conversation. I'm glad we've spoken

 **HamMan:** As am I

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, 8th July, 13:42**

**To: LargeBaguette**

 

 **HamMan:** Can I tell you a secret?

 **LargeBaguette:** Of course you can, and you can be guaranteed that I will take it to my death

 **LargeBaguette:** Wait

 **LargeBaguette:** I will take it to my grave

 **HamMan:** I gave John some Gatorade

 **LargeBaguette:** Herc is going to kill you

 **HamMan:** He's not going to know it was me, thou

 **LargeBaguette:** Thank god for that. I won't tell a soul, I promise

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, 8th July, 13:42**

**To: Momigan**

 

 **TurtBoi:** WHAT UP MY PERSON MOM FRIEND

 **TurtBoi:** DID YOU KNOW THAT THE COUCH DOES NOT LIKE PEOPLE JUMPING ON IT

 **Momigan:** Goddamn it

 **Momigan:** What happened?

 **TurtBoi:** AN AMAZING HEALING POTION CALLED GATORADE. FIZZY ENERGY YOU CAN INHALE.

 **Momigan:** Oh for FUCKS sake.

 **TurtBoi:** INCOMING MISSION

 **Momigan:** No.

 **TurtBoi:** MISSION TARGET: CONQUER MOUNT ARMCHAIR.

 **Momigan:** For the last time, NO.

 **Momigan:** MISSION ABORT

 **TurtBoi:** PROGRAMMING NEGATIVE. DEPLOYING TURTLE SPRING SKILLS

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, 8th July, 13:49**

**To: GAY NERDS**

 

 **Momigan:** Who did it?

 **LargeBaguette:** ALEX DID

 **HamMan:** LAFAYETTE YOU FRENCH LITTLE SHIT

 **LargeBaguette:** YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO TRUST ME WITH SECRETS, ALEXANDER

 **HamMan:** Well, OBVIOUSLY I didn't know any better. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, you didn't even TRY to lie

 **Momigan:** Don't tell my boyfriend to lie to me

 **HamMan:** I would never!

 **HamMan:** Just strongly imply it

 **Momigan:** You're buying a new couch

 **HamMan:** Yeah, I know

 

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, 8th July, 14:26**

**To: Smart People (and Jefferso**

 

 **A_Run_Burr:** Does anyone know where my will to live is?

 **A_Run_Burr:** I can't seem to find it

 **Angelicar_schuy:** I have it

 **A_Run_Burr:** Please can I have it back?

 **Angelicar_schuy:** no

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, 8th July, 14:31**

**To: Jeffs**

**HamMan:** MY NAME IS JOHN I WANT GATORADE BUY ME IT PLEASR BUY ME SOME GATORADE I WANT GATORADE BECUASE IT IS THE BEST

 **Jeffs:** um

 **Jeffs:** what

 **HamMan:** GATORADE GATORADE GATORADE GATORADE GATORADE GATORADE GATORADE GATORADE GATORADE

 **Jeffs:** W H A T

 **HamMan:** G A T O R A D E

 **HamMan:** GATIRDAYUDIOSODFjsi&(+3(1

 **HamMan:** ozoroxoLslflglroOOrododlzkSisoot

 **Jeffs:** What's going on?

 **HamMan:** Well

 **HamMan:** I'm not sure if you can tell

 **HamMan:** BUT

 **HamMan:** John might have stolen my phone

 **Jeffs:** Shocker

 **HamMan:** Shaddap

 **Jeffs:** Should I buy Gatorade?

 **HamMan:** NO

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, 8th July, 15:00**

**To: Smart People (and Jefferso**

 

 **Momigan:** Public Service Announcement:

 **Momigan:** Nobody is allowed to give John Robert Andrew Brian Wilson Laurens any Gatorade

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** ffs, Alex did you get him hyper again?

 **HamMan:** No I didn't

 **Jeffs:** Yes, you did

 **HamMan:** Yes, I did

 **Angelicar_schuy:** I'm not sure I want to be in this group chat anymore

 **E-Liza(rd):** Did you just try and lie to Peggy?

 **HamMan:** No

 **E-Liza(rd):** Think very carefully about your answer, Alexander

 **HamMan:** Yes

 **LargeBaguette:** Stop trying to lie to the Schuylers it isn't going to work

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, 8th July, 15:00**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **TurtBoi:** LIGHTS

 **HamMan:** CAMERA

 **TurtBoi:** ACTION

 **TurtBoi:** im so glad were friends

 **HamMan:** I'm not getting you more Gatorade

 **TurtBoi:** DAMN IT

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, 8th July, 17:29**

**To: Angelicar_schuy**

 

 **TurtBoi:** Hello

 **Angelicar_schuy:**  No

 **TurtBoi:** okay

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, 8th July, 17:35**

**To: Jeffs**

**TurtBoi:** hey, its me, John (again)

 **Jeffs:** It's not going to happen. Alex warned me against it

 **TurtBoi:** dag nab it

 **TurtBoi:** so

 **TurtBoi:** u and alex huh

 **Jeffs:** You are the human embodiment of an eyebrow wiggle

 **TurtBoi:** thank u

 **Jeffs:** It's not a compliment

 

 

 

**Thursday, 8th July, 18:23**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan:** WHERE DO I HIDE THE BODY?

 **Jeffs:** In the basement

 **HamMan:** Does it look like my broke ass can afford a basement?

 **Jeffs:** Point

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, 8th July, 20:14**

**To: GAY NERDS**

**  
**

**HamMan:** gay

 **TurtBoi:** gay 

**HamMan:** gaygay 

**LargeBaguette:** gay 

**Momigan:** gay 

**TurtBoi:** gaygaygaygay 

**TurtBoi:** gay 

**Momigan:** gay 

**HamMan:** gaygaygaygay 

**Momigan:** gay 

**LargeBaguette:**  gaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygay 

**TurtBoi:** how long were u typing that? 

**LargeBaguette:** More minutes than I'm proud of 

**HamMan:** I'm so glad we have quality conversations with eachother 

**TurtBoi:** gay

 

 

 

 

**Thursday, 8th July, 22:44**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan:** sLEEP

 **Jeffs:** You too, asshole


	3. Saturday, 9th July

**Saturday, 9th June, 02:51**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **TurtBoi:** do midgets have night vision?

 **TurtBoi:** alex?

 **HamMan:** Idk. 

 **TurtBoi:** check

 **HamMan:** Great. You woke me up at three in the morning to insult me

 **TurtBoi:** yeah

 **TurtBoi:** so, do you have night vision?

 **HamMan:** No, but I do have a best friend whos also an asshole, and enjoys tormenting people at ridiculous times

 **TurtBoi:** oh?

 **TurtBoi:** oh

 **TurtBoi:** youre talking about me, huh

 **HamMan:** Yes, John.

 **HamMan:** I am

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 04:16**

**To: Smart People (and Jefferso**

**HamMan:** Yknow, national anthems are just theme songs for countries

 **Jeffs:** Jesus Christ

 **Jeffs:** Alex, how high are you?

 **HamMan:** *high, Alex, how are you?

 **Jeffs:** SLEEP

 **HamMan:** NO

 **HamMan:** Is love a drug?

 **Jeffs:** Sure why not

 **HamMan:** good because I love drugs

 **Jeffs:** stop

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 09:41**

**To: GAY NERDS**

 

 **Momigan:** JOHNATHAN LAURENS YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MESSAGE PEOPLE AT THREE IN THE MORNING

 **TurtBoi:** goddamn it alex

 **TurtBoi:** u HAD to snitch

 **HamMan:** I'd do it again

 **TurtBoi:** dude

 **HamMan:** dude

 **Momigan:** Stop dude-ing

 **TurtBoi:** that sounds kinky

 **LargeBaguette:** Kinky boots

 **HamMan:** duck

 **TurtBoi:** thanks, alex

 **HamMan:** You're welcome

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 10:11**

**To: The Schuyler Sisters**

 

 **Angelicar_schuy:** Does anyone else think that Alexander and Jefferson are secretly dating?

 **E-Liza(rd):** Yes

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** yes

 **E-Liza(rd):** I ship it

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** oml saaamme

 **Angelicar_schuy:**  We're all on the same page?

 **E-Liza(rd):** Well, we all ship it

 **Angelicar_schuy:**  Good

 **Angelicar_schuy:**  Meeting adjourned

 **Mad-son:** Why am I in this group chat?

 **Angelicar_schuy:**  Because

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 10:21**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan:** Hello there can I interest you in purchasing a John Laurens?

 **Jeffs:** Um

 **Jeffs:** No

 **HamMan:** Are you sure? He's house trained

 **Jeffs:** I'm sure

 **HamMan:** damn it

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 11:32**

**To: GAY NERDS**

 

 **HamMan:**  Why is the singular chicken and the plural chickens? Why can't it be chickan and the plural chicken

 **Momigan:** Stop procrastinating and ask Jefferson to go for coffee with you

 **HamMan:** Chickan makes more sense

 **LargeBaguette:** But it's wrong

 **HamMan:** But

 **HamMan:** It makes more sense

 **TurtBoi:** hush

 **HamMan:** no, u

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 11:36**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **TurtBoi:** ham

 **HamMan:** dude why we whispering

 **HamMan:** why aren't you messaging on the group chat?

 **TurtBoi:** we should get drunk but i only have enough for two

 **HamMan:**  d u d e

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 12:12**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan:** yofuckfuckdnfuckd

 **HamMan:** yourf ucking hfi

 **HamMan:** youcyt fyot shuf up johv I can' wfite thtat thaks weekrrd

 **Jeffs:** Go home, you're drunk

 **HamMan:** ill go jome if yov taks me thereee

**Jeffs:**

**Jeffs:** You're going to sober up and I'm going to laugh at you

 **HamMan:** I WANNTO dANCE

 **Jeffs:** No

 **HamMan:** cab i dnace wirh youm

 **Jeffs:** When you're sober

 **HamMan:** yesssssssssssssss

 

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 12:20**

**To: Mad-son**

 

 **Jeffs:** JAMES

 **Jeffs:** JAMES

 **Mad-son:** THOMAS

 **Jeffs:** jAMES I THINK HAMILTON WAS TRYING TO FLIRT WITH ME

 **Mad-son:** One second

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 12:20**

**To: The Schuyler Sisters**

 

 **Mad-son:** Thomas said he thinks Hamilton is trying to flirt with him

 **Angelicar_schuy:**  Oooh

 **E-Liza(rd):** ooooooooH

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** OoOoOoOoH

 **E-Liza(rd):** Tell us what happens next

 **Mad-son:** I will

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 12:21**

**To: Mad-son**

 

 **Mad-son:** I'm back

 **Mad-son:** What happened?

 **Jeffs:** HE IS DRUNK

 **Mad-son:** Okay

 **Jeffs:** HE SAID HE WANTED TO DANCE WITH ME AND HE WOULD GO HOME IF I TOOK HIM THERE

 **Mad-son:** Hamilton wasn't trying to flirt

 **Jeffs:** Really?

 **Mad-son:** He *was* flirting

 **Mad-son:** Wasn't *trying* anything

 

_**Mad-son took a screenshot** _

 

 **Jeffs:** Wtf James

 **Jeffs:** Why are you taking screenshots

 **Mad-son:** Ah. I'd forgotten that my phone is shit at letting me do anything without informing everyone else

 **Jeffs:** That

 **Jeffs:** That doesn't answer my question

 **Mad-son:** Don't worry, for future reference if I'm talking to you

 **Jeffs:** Okay?

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 12:23**

**To: The Schuyler Sisters**

 

 **Mad-son:**   _screenshot-Apd4R_

 **E-Liza(rd):** Omg

 **Angelicar_schuy:**  The sneakiness is strong with this one

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** o n e   o f   u s

 **Angelicar_schuy:**  o n e   o f   u s

 **E-Liza(rd):**  o n e   o f   u s

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** o n e   o f   u s

 **Mad-son:**  Um

 **Mad-son:**  It's nice to be included

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 12:30**

**To: GAY NERDS**

 

 **TurtBoi:** hELLOOO

 **Momigan:** ALEX IF THIS IS YOUR FAULT AGAIN I'M GOING TO BE SO PISSED

 **HamMan:** herrcc 

 **Momigan:** Oh, god

 **Momigan:** Not you, too

 **HamMan:** I cnann see A unicornh float fort 60 dolaljrs

 **TurtBoi:** yoygf should vuy it

 **HamMan:**  i sgould bu y it

 **Momigan:** Nobody is buying a sixty dollar unicorn float

 **TurtBoi:** BUT MOOOMMMMM

 **Momigan:** No buts

 **TurtBoi:**  Lolllll

 **TurtBoi:**  Buts

 **HamMan:**  Lolllllllllllllll

 **Momigan:** That's it, I can't trust either of you. Where are you?

 **TurtBoi:** alez wwe cant tellz him the truth

 **HamMan:** dyoure rigt

 **TurtBoi:**  were NOT ib Alexa'zz appartwmnt

 **HamMan:** nicely dine

 **TurtBoi:**  ikr

 **Momigan:**  You are aware that not including capital letters isn't the text equivalent of whispering, and I can see what you've said

 **HamMan:** No yoe cant

 **HamMan:**  shfit jon hes onto us

 **TurtBoi:**  ik we need to be carene careful

 **Momigan:**  I'm going over to your apartment, Alexander. If I find a unicorn float in there, be prepared for hell

 **HamMan:** I dint HAVE a uniconr float

 **HamMan:**  jon where should w e hid the unicorn

 **TurtBoi:** in the closejer

 **HamMan:** it will get loney thou

 **TurtBoi:** shit

 **TurtBoi:** we nees to buy two

 **Momigan:** NO

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 16:19**

**To: Smart People (and Jefferso**

 

 **Jeffs:** Apparently 'spite' is not an 'appropriate answer' to 'what motivates you'

 **A_Run_Burr:** Oh

 **Jeffs:** Why isn't Alex replying?

 **LargeBaguette:** aw, miss him?

 **Jeffs:** No

 **Jeffs:** No, of course not

 **Jeffs:** I don't speak to him that often

 **Jeffs:** No

 **LargeBaguette:** Non

 **Jeffs:** No but

 **Jeffs:** Why tf did Alex get drunk?

 **Momigan:** I don't know, but he bought two unicorn floats for one hundred and twenty dollars

 **Jeffs:** What?

 **Jeffs:** Can I have one?

 **Momigan:** No

 **HamMan:** Yea

 **Jeffs:** Are you sober now?

 **HamMan:** A bit

 **Momigan:** Alexander is not allowed to have alcohol for a week.

 **HamMan:** You're not my mom

 **Momigan:** You're still not allowed to have alcohol

 **HamMan:** >:(

 **TurtBoi:** dont worry alex i'll sneak u some

 **Momigan:** Again, just because you don't include capital letters doesn't mean I can't read your texts

 **Jeffs:** What the hell

 **Jeffs:** Actually, I don't think I want to know

 **HamMan:** Good choice

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 16:34**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **TurtBoi:** pack your shit up we're leaving

 **HamMan:** What?

 **TurtBoi:** we're leaving

 **TurtBoi:** i've gotten into trouble, alex

 **TurtBoi:** bad trouble

 **HamMan:** If it's Charles Lee just threaten to bring in a nerf gun again

 **TurtBoi:** worse. we need to change our names and move to mexico. i'll be juan and you can be áléx

 **HamMan:** It can't be that bad, John

 **HamMan:** You're overreacting

 **TurtBoi:** AM I?

 **HamMan:** Yes

 **HamMan:** Who have you gotten into trouble with?

 **TurtBoi:** Peggy

 **HamMan:** SHIT

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 16:45**

**To: PegWillFuckYouUp**

 

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** Give him up, Alexander. I know he's hiding in your apartment

 **HamMan:** Whom?

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** Don't try and bullshit a Schuyler

 **HamMan:** I am genuinely confused.

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** John is hiding in your apartment. John stole my glitter. Give him up

 **HamMan:** I don't have John with me

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** Really?

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** Who do you have?

**HamMan:**

**HamMan:** Juan

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** GIVE HIM UP

 **HamMan:** NEVER

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 17:00**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan:** If I don't reply for a while, it's because I'm dead and Peggy killed me

 **Jeffs:** Try not to die

 **HamMan:** Alright

 **HamMan:** I'll try

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 17:09**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **TurtBoi:** I mean, it's not just about the glitter any more

 **TurtBoi:** like

 **TurtBoi:** its a matter of pride now

 **HamMan:** GIVE UP THE GLITTER

 **TurtBoi:** SUPPORT MY FIGHTS

 **HamMan:** I WILL SUPPORT YOUR FIGHTS

 **HamMan:** JUST NOT AGAINST ANY OF THE SCHUYLERS

 **TurtBoi:** so, is that what's more important to you, huh?

 **TurtBoi:** your life is more important than glitter

 **TurtBoi:** wow, alexander

 **TurtBoi:** just

 **TurtBoi:** wow

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 17:14**

**To: PegWillFuckYouUp**

 

 **HamMan:** He is willing to give up the glitter

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** Good

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** Gooooood

 **HamMan:** Do you promise not to kill us?

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** as long as I get my glitter back

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 17:31**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **TurtBoi:** WHERE IS THE GLITTER?

 **HamMan:** I gave it back

 **TurtBoi:** alexander

 **TurtBoi:** u have made a powerful enemy

 **HamMan:** Yeah, well, not as powerful as Peggy

 **TurtBoi:**  be prepared for revenge

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 17:42**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan:** If I don't reply for a while, it's because I'm dead and John killed me

 **Jeffs:** For once, Alex, you should consider maybe not starting fights

 **HamMan:** Me?

 **HamMan:** Start fights?

 **HamMan:** Never

 

 

 

 

**Saturday,** **9th June, 18:31**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **HamMan:** I have Mr Ducks in one hand and a lighter in the other

 **HamMan:** What

 **HamMan:** Did

 **HamMan:** You

 **HamMan:** To

 **HamMan:** My

 **HamMan:** Room

 **TurtBoi:** LEAVE MR DUCKS ALONE

 **HamMan:** YOU THREW GLITTER AROUND MY ROOM

 **HamMan:** IF I WASN'T SO PISSED, I'D BE IMPRESSED AT HOW THOROUGH YOU WERE

 **TurtBoi:** MR DUCKS IS INNOCENT

 **HamMan:** SO WAS I

 **TurtBoi:** if u set mr ducks in fire there will be hell to pay

 **HamMan:** Oh, me and Mr Ducks are just going to talk

 **TurtBoi:** LET ME SPEAK TO HIM

 **HamMan:**  QUACK

 **TurtBoi:**  MR DUCKS ARE YOU ALRIGHT

 **HamMan:** He's alright

 **HamMan:**  FOR NOW

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 18:39**

**To: Momigan**

 

 **TurtBoi:** ALEX HAS MR DUCKS

 **Momigan:** That weird stuffed toy?

 **TurtBoi:** YES

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 18:42**

**To: Momigan**

 

 **Momigan:** Give back Mr Ducks

 **HamMan:** But he glittered up my room

 **Momigan:** Give back Mr Ducks

 **HamMan:** But he got into a war with Peggy

 **Momigan:** Give back Mr Ducks

 **HamMan:** But

 **Momigan:** No buts. Give back Mr Ducks

 **HamMan:** Urgh fine

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 21:59**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **HamMan:** You have started a war

 **TurtBoi:** i've already won

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 22:12**

**To: Jeffs**

**Jeffs:** You dead?

 **HamMan:** Not quite

 **HamMan:** You?

 **Jeffs:** Not quite

 **HamMan:** Who would win in a fight? Me or John?

 **Jeffs:** Neither, you're both shit at fighting

 **HamMan:** Um

 **HamMan:** You liar

 **HamMan:** You tell lies

 **HamMan:** Your name should be Liar Jefferson

 **Jeffs:** Who tf names their child Liar?

 **HamMan:** Who doesn't?

 **Jeffs:** I don't think anyone does

 **HamMan:** There you are

 **HamMan:** LYING again

 **Jeffs:** stop

 **HamMan:** no, u

 **Jeffs:** no, you

 **HamMan:** you win

 **HamMan:** This time

 

 

 

 

**Saturday, 9th June, 22:51**

**To: LargeBaguette**

 

 **TurtBoi:** do you have hair dye?

 **LargeBaguette:** Yes

 **TurtBoi:** JOIN THE DARK SIDE


	4. Sunday, 10th June

**Sunday, 10th June, 07:15**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **HamMan:** Did you dye my eyebrows blue?

 **TurtBoi:** no

 **HamMan:**  Did you dye my eyebrows blue?

 **TurtBoi:** no

 **HamMan:**  Did you dye my eyebrows blue?

 **TurtBoi:** no

 **HamMan:**  Did you dye my eyebrows blue?

 **TurtBoi:** yes

 **HamMan:** Run.

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 07:23**

**To: Smart People (and Jefferso**

 

 **HamMan:** There are many reasons why Johnathan Leroy Fitzgerald Laurens is an asshole

 **TurtBoi:** thats not even my name

 **HamMan:** One thing he does is steal glitter

 **HamMan:** Are you tired of your glitter being stolen by this man?

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** Am I?

 **HamMan:** Have you tried John Repellent™?

 **TurtBoi:** wtf is that

 **HamMan:** Well, if you want to try John Repellent™, all you have to do is say the word moist

 **TurtBoi:** no

 **TurtBoi:** stop it

 **HamMan:** M O I S T

 **TurtBoi:** STOPPP

 **TurtBoi:** its a horrible word

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** What, moist?

 **TurtBoi:** alexander you are blowing this out of proportion. i trusted you.

 **HamMan:** Exactly

 **HamMan:** Trusted

 **HamMan:** You should know better than to trust your enemy

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 07:29**

**To: GAY NERDS**

 

 **HamMan:** I don't know who helped John

 **HamMan:** Nor do I want to know

 **HamMan:** *cough* Lafayette *cough*

 **HamMan:** HOWEVER

 **HamMan:** I'd like to inform you all that my eyebrows are no longer blue because I've dyed them back and it cost twelve dollars and my pride

 **HamMan:** So thank you, whoever it was (*cough* Lafayette *cough*) because the clerk at the store couldn't stop laughing at my eyebrows. You're lucky I'm a badass and was able to smoothly roll with it and pretend that I choose to dye them blue

 **LargeBaguette:** I didn't help John

 **HamMan:** Oh, NOW you're able to keep secrets

 **LargeBaguette:** oui, you really should have known better than to tell me about Gatorade

 **Momigan:** I'm not getting involved this time. You three need to get all of your shit together

 **Momigan:** All of it

 **Momigan:** Get a backpack or something if that helps, just get your shit together

 **TurtBoi:** ok

 **HamMan:** Do you like using Emojis?

 **TurtBoi:** Emojis are sacred

 **TurtBoi:** Do not touch my emojis

 **HamMan:** We shall see

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 08:00**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan:** WAKE UP AND SUFFER IN THE WRATH OF THE SUN

 **Jeffs:** Good morning to you, too

 **HamMan:** THERE IS NO GOOD

 **HamMan:** ONLY SUFFERING

 **Jeffs:** Wow, I'm fine, thanks for asking. And how are you?

 **HamMan:** THE SUN DOES NOT PROVIDE ME WITH EMOTIONS.

 **Jeffs:** I regret this conversation deeply

 **HamMan:** NO REGRET

 **HamMan:** ONLY SUFFERING

 **Jeffs:** You're so fucking weird

 **Jeffs:** Ah fuck

 **HamMan:** What?

 **Jeffs:** I'm out of coffee

 **HamMan:** Oh?

 **Jeffs:** And there's this coffee shop by me that's cool and all, but there's no way in hell I'm going there alone

 **Jeffs:** I'd look like a loner

 **HamMan:** I could

 **HamMan:** Go with?

 **Jeffs:** You could, yes

 **HamMan:** I could

 **Jeffs:** I'll meet you by Rougeport Park, then

 **HamMan:** I will see you then

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 08:01**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **TurtBoi:** i know we're at war and shit but you shrieked really really loudly and now im worried

 **HamMan:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **TurtBoi:** ???????????????????

 **HamMan:** I'M GOING FOR COFFEE

 **TurtBoi:** um

 **TurtBoi:** good?

 **HamMan:** WITH THOMAS

 **TurtBoi:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **HamMan:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 08:02**

**To: Mad-son**

 

 **Jeffs:** james

 **Jeffs:** james

 **Jeffs:** james

 **Jeffs:** james

 **Jeffs:** james guess what

 **Mad-son:** Walruses have taken over the planet and demand us to whittle statues of them in their honor?

 **Jeffs:** What?

 **Jeffs:** No

 **Mad-son:** You told me to guess, so I did

 **Jeffs:** I think I'm going on a date with Alex

 **Mad-son:** One second

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 08:03**

**To: The Schuyler Sisters**

 

 **Mad-son:** Thomas says he thinks he's going on a date with Hamilton

 **Angelicar_schuy:** Well that escalated quickly

 **E-Liza(rd):** Oh my god, finally!

 **PegWillFuckYouUp:** Tell them to keep it PG

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 08:03**

**To: Mad-son**

 

 **Mad-son:** Hey, I'm back.

 **Jeffs:** I think I'm going on a date with Alex

 **Jeffs:** As in, Alexander Hamilton

 **Jeffs:** The same Hamilton that shrieked and jumped on a desk when he thought he saw a spider

 **Mad-son:** I know

 **Mad-son:** What do you mean by a date?

 **Jeffs:** I said I ran out of coffee

 **Mad-son:** That's bullshit. You have more coffee than you know what to do with

 **Jeffs:** Alex doesn't know that

 **Mad-son:** Smooth

 **Jeffs:** Thanks

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 08:14**

**To: GAY NERDS**

 

 **TurtBoi:** alex is going on a date with jefferson and they're going to have coffee

 **HamMan:** It's not a date

 **HamMan:** I think

 **HamMan:** I mean, I hope it is

 **HamMan:** I mean, does he think it's a date?

 **LargeBaguette:** It's a date

 **Momigan:** My child! On a date!

 **TurtBoi:** will miracles never cease?

 **HamMan:** How do you know it's a date?

 **LargeBaguette:** Ask him

 **HamMan:** Um

 **HamMan:** No

 **LargeBaguette:** Okay, I'll ask him

 **HamMan:** nO

 **HamMan:** Laf

 **HamMan:** Lafayette

  **HamMan:** Laf don't do it

 **LargeBaguette:** FINE, I won't

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 08:15**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **LargeBaguette:** Salut! Ça va?

 **Jeffs:** Ça va bien, merci, et toi?

 **Jeffs:** Can I also ask why we're speaking French?

 **LargeBaguette:** You can ask

 **Jeffs:** Cryptic

 **LargeBaguette:**  ARE YOU GOING ON A DATE WITH ALEXANDER?

 **Jeffs:**  Okay then, that was completely fucking random

 **Jeffs:**  But hopefully, yes

 **Jeffs:**  I assume he told you?

 **Jeffs:** What did he say?

 **Jeffs:** Laf?

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 08:20**

**To: GAY NERDS**

 

 **LargeBaguette:** He said hopefully

 **HamMan:** Thanks but I LITERALLY told you not to

 **LargeBaguette:** Little shit

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 09:05**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan:** yo

 **HamMan:** thomas

 **Jeffs:** Alexander, you are literally sitting next to me, just talk like a normal human person

 **HamMan:** no

 **Jeffs:** You are incredibly strange

 **Jeffs:** But continue

 **HamMan:** i don't like sunflowers cause

 **HamMan:** they're always taller than me

 **HamMan:** like

 **HamMan:** what's their secret?

 **HamMan:** why do they get to win at life and I don't?

 **Jeffs:** My guess is you aren't ready to hear about trees, then

 **HamMan:** Wtf are trees?

 **Jeffs:** Very funny

 **HamMan:** Sarcasm gets you nowhere

 **Jeffs:** Probably because sarcasm isn't a car

 **HamMan:** Shaddap

 **Jeffs:** I'm not even speaking 

 **HamMan:** Has anyone ever told you your choice in coffee is the most painful thing I have ever had to witness?

 **Jeffs:** Well I'm sorry I can't drink plain bean water. It's not my fault I'm normal. How can you enjoy coffee like that?

 **HamMan:** You're not supposed to enjoy coffee

 **Jeffs:** Yes, I know, you're supposed to suffer, you said that quite loudly when I gave my order

 **HamMan:** Exactly

 **Jeffs:** I can't even begin to describe how wrong you are today, because your idiocy has exhausted me. How about tomorrow?

 **HamMan:** It's a date!

 **HamMan:** Awww you're blushing

 **Jeffs:** Asshole

 **HamMan:** Yeah, I know

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 09:12**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **HamMan:** Where is my coffee?

 **HamMan:** Where did you put the coffee?

 **HamMan:** Why is my coffee gone?

 **TurtBoi:** oh, you mean MY coffee? the one I bought?

 **HamMan:** Yeah, after you demolished the other one in under two hours

 **TurtBoi:** pointing out FACTS and LOGIC is NO MATCH for my LAURENS POWER

 **HamMan:** What the fuck is Laurens Power

 **HamMan:** That sounds fake

 **TurtBoi:** thats what the coffee thought

 **TurtBoi:** so i threw it out the window

 **HamMan:** HOLY SHIT

 **TurtBoi:** also what the coffee thought

 **HamMan:** Watch your back, Laurens.

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 09:36**

**To: Smart People (and Jefferso**

 

 **TurtBoi:** dave

 **TurtBoi:** dave

 **TurtBoi:** I meant 'dave'

 **TurtBoi:** DAVE

 **TurtBoi:** wtf did you do alex

 **HamMan** Hi, John.

 **HamMan:** Are you confused as to why you are unable to use your emojis or say hi without it changing to Dave?

 **TurtBoi:** dave

 **TurtBoi:** im not confused i know you did it you bastard

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 09:42**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan:** You're totally my bf

 **Jeffs:** Totally am

 **Jeffs:** Totally

 **Jeffs:** T o t a l l y

 **HamMan:** T o t a l l y   r a d i c a l

 **Jeffs:** no

 **HamMan:** <3

 **Jeffs:** I don't even know what that means, but you too

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 11:12**

**To: TurtBoi**

**  
**

**TurtBoi:** it's very muggy outside

 **TurtBoi:** maybe you shouldnt bring a coat

 **HamMan:**  If I go outside and I find all of my mugs there I am going to kill you

 **TurtBoi:** i hope you have no objections to drinking TEA out of a BOWL

 **HamMan:** How much do you like your hoodies?

 **TurtBoi:** a lot

 **TurtBoi:** but we both know u won't touch them

 **HamMan:** oR WILL I?

 **HamMan:** Yeah, you're right, but revenge will be evil

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 12:20**

**To: A_Run_Burr**

 

 **HamMan:** I need a favor

 **A_Run_Burr:** Depends. What are you asking?

 **HamMan:** I need to hide something in your house

 **A_Run_Burr:** Nothing dangerous, I hope.

 **HamMan:**  I'll tell you when I get there.

 **A_Run_Burr:** That wasn't a no

 **A_Run_Burr:** Alexander

 **A_Run_Burr:**  Do NOT bring anything dangerous over

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 12:25**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **TurtBoi:** where did you put all of my clothes?

 **HamMan:** You still have clothes

 **TurtBoi:** no

 **TurtBoi:** not that

 **TurtBoi:** no

 **HamMan:** They're over Burr's house

 **TurtBoi:** thats a ten minute walk

 **HamMan:** It's either that, or living in the shower for the rest of your life

 **TurtBoi:** You've won this round

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 12:40**

**To: GAY NERDS**

 

 **HamMan:** _ Img.JPEG81 _

**LargeBaguette:** HOLY SHIT

 **Momigan:** Is that John in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles costume?

 **TurtBoi:** its not a costume its a lifestyle

 **HamMan:** He's walking to Burr's house

 **Momigan:** You, Alexander, are evil

 **HamMan:** He got rid of the coffee!

 **Momigan:** You did what?

 **TurtBoi:** i'm living with aaron now, love y'all

 **Momigan:** You're not getting out of trouble this easily, young man

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 13:12**

**To: Smart People (and Jefferso**

**Mad-son:** Has anyone else ever thought that octopuses were actually underwater spiders?

 **A_Run_Burr:** What have you done?

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 13:29**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan:** Don't interrupt someone doing a puzzle

 **HamMan:**  Chances are, you'll hear some crosswords.

 **Jeffs:** You know what, I find whiteboards quite remarkable

**HamMan:**

**HamMan:** No

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 13:40**

**To: Momigan**

**  
**

**HamMan:** Mom

 **Momigan:** Yes, child?

 **HamMan:** What do I do with the unicorn floats? It was a bad idea and I don't really want them

 **Momigan:** That was your own fault

 **HamMan:** I was drunk!

 **Momigan:** That doesn't excuse your actions

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 15:22**

**To: "King" George**

**  
**

**"King" George:** Heeeeyyyyy

 **"King" George:**  Do you remember when we were buddies?

 **"King" George:**  That's what you funky Americans say, right?

 **NewAmerica:** No

 **"King" George:**  Delightful

 **"King" George:**  So

 **"King" George:**  I was just thinking 

 **"King" George:**  Maybe we could be buddies again, huh, Washy Machine?

 **NewAmerica:** No. And don't call me that

 **"King" George:**  You're no fun :( You're wounding my honour 

 **NewAmerica:** *honor

 **"King" George:** What?

 **NewAmerica:** You spelt honor wrong

 **"King" George:** No I didn't

 **NewAmerica:** Yes, you did. Things have been fixed around here.

 **"King" George:**  Jesus Christ

 **"King" George:**  What else have you changed?

 **NewAmerica:** I've *corrected* the spelling of color, behavior, rumor, flavor, humor, and many more

 **"King" George:**  What

 **"King" George:**  What the hell are you doing?

 **NewAmerica:** Getting rid of u

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 15:48**

**To: Momigan**

 

 **Momigan:** I am in our apartment.

 **Momigan:** There is glitter everywhere.

 **Momigan:** Explain.

 **TurtBoi:** if it helps, this isn't directed at you

 **Momigan:** No, John 

 **Momigan:** It does not help

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 16:00**

**To: GAY NERDS**

 

 **Momigan:** I know I promised to stay out of this shit but I'm calling a ceasefire at 16:20

 **TurtBoi:** wut?

 **HamMan:** Is it because I'm winning?

 **Momigan:** No, it's because I want to be able to leave the apartment without the fear of returning to a warzone of glitter

 **HamMan:** You make a reasonable point

 **Momigan:** Also, if you don't comply, I will hurt everything you love

 **TurtBoi:** dont hurt my turtle

 **HamMan:** Don't hurt Jeffs

 **Momigan:** Then you will follow the ceasefire

 **TurtBoi:** ya

 **HamMan:** Ya

 **HamMan:** Until then, be PREPARED

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 16:15**

**To: TurtBoi**

 

 **HamMan:** Did you just barricade your room?

 **TurtBoi:** i don't know what you're planning so I'm hiding

 **HamMan:** You started this war

 **TurtBoi:** TORE SKYRIM INTO CHAOS

 **HamMan:** Wtf?

 **HamMan:** No

 **HamMan:** Next time, don't steal glitter from Peggy, because that's deadass looking for a fight

 **TurtBoi:** YOURE deadass looking for a fight

 **HamMan:** John, you've known me for like, ten years. That isn't a comeback, that's truth

 **TurtBoi:** yeah well I have a turtle and you don't

 **HamMan:** I don't want a turtle

 **TurtBoi:** keep telling yourself that

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 17:01**

**To: Jeffs**

 

 **HamMan:** Thomas, there's a spider

 **HamMan:** Thomas

 **HamMan:** Thomas, it's bigger than my hand

 **HamMan:** Thomas

 **HamMan:** Thomas

 **HamMan:** Thomas. I looked away for five seconds and now it's gone and now I'm scared

 **HamMan:** It could be anywhere

 **HamMan:** Thomas

 **Jeffs:** There is no Thomas, only spider

  **HamMan:** ASSHOLE

 

 

 

 

**Sunday, 10th June, 23:14**

**To: Smart People (and Jefferso**

 

 **A_Run_Burr:** Does anyone else have this moment when they really want to get up and walk around late at night and just be alone with their own thoughts?

 **HamMan:** Yeah, but I don't really want to get murdered, ya feel me?

 **TurtBoi:** I feel you

 **LargeBaguette:** I feel you, too

 **Momigan:** We all feel you

 **HamMan:** Why are so many people touching me?

 **HamMan:**  Stop it

 **Jeffs:** This is why you don't walk around in the middle of the night

 **HamMan:** You're my boyfriend, you're supposed to be supportive

 **Jeffs:** Alexander

 **Jeffs:** I'm not supporting you walking around at night

 **HamMan:** :(

 **Jeffs:** Urgh, don't be like that

 **HamMan:** :'(

 **Jeffs:** Stop it

 **Momigan:** Don't tell him to stop expressing his emotions

 **HamMan:** THANK YOU.

 **HamMan:** See? Hercules understands

 **Mad-son:** I really need to find new friends

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> A good number of these conversations happened in my group chat, most of them between me and K. Thank you for reading :) Comments are deeply appreciated (so thank you KalaNea and other commenters)


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